Tips for receiving feedback

• Ask your direct report for specific information about how the coaching process is going. "What did I say that made you think I wasn't interested in your proposal?" or "How were my suggestions helpful to you?"
• Ask for clarification in ways that don't make your coachee defensive. "Could you give me an example?"—not "What do you mean, I was unreceptive to your idea?"
• Help your coachee avoid emotion-laden terms. "You said that I'm often inflexible. Give me an example of things I do that give you this sense."
• Don't be defensive. Offer justification or commentary on your actions only if asked. Tell your coachee when you've gotten all the feedback you can process.
• Thank the person for his or her feedback, positive and negative. You'll build trust and model productive behavior.