I have a story about an unsuccessful coaching engagement that I had about 20 years ago. And I still think about it because I learned some lessons from it. This engagement was with a high-potential female. I was really excited about it because I thought I could do great work here.
There were some warning signs that I should have known. One was that her manager wanted the coaching and [the coachee] was engaged but she wasn’t really engaged. The second thing is that she wanted it private. She didn’t want it public. She didn’t want to talk about it, and that should have been a big red flag for me. But I didn’t really focus on it, I was thinking about how cool this engagement was.
The next thing was the fact that she didn’t want a 360. There was always something getting in the way — meaning I couldn’t talk to her stakeholders, I couldn’t work with the people around her. The last thing was that she was an expert, and it was very hard for her to be vulnerable and to try anything new. The engagement really didn’t go anywhere.
What I learned out of this is, first of all, it is all about the client. It’s not really about me, specifically. She needed to be ready. I should have been working with her boss, not with her, because the boss is the one who wanted the coaching.
The other thing was that she didn’t want to be vulnerable. There’s a paradox about vulnerability — if you make yourself vulnerable, you’re invulnerable. She was not able to let people know that she was working on something. If she had been, it would have been much more successful for her. She would have had a support community around her.
Not being able to do 360, I wasn’t able to help turn critics into coaches. When you do a 360, you ask for advice, you ask what your client could do differently, and you bring it back to your client consolidated. Your client can go back to her stakeholders and say, “I heard you, and here’s what I’m trying” and you’re actually able to turn the critics into coaches. That didn’t happen.
So what I learned from this coaching engagement was first of all, the coachee needs to want to be coached, that it isn’t about the coach, it isn’t about what I’m doing as much as it’s about partnering with somebody who really is ready and open to learn. The other thing that I learned is that clients have to be public. They have to say, “This is what’s happening,” otherwise you can’t change the dynamic around them. So that’s really important. I think the last thing that I felt was that you need to match energy for energy. My energy, in this particular situation, was so much greater than my client’s energy, and it didn’t work.
So when you’re thinking about — and when I’m thinking about — coaching, I think about those things because they are prerequisites to success.
For a successful relationship, both coach and coachee need to be prepared. That means clearing away some roadblocks before the process starts.There were some warning signs that I should have known. One was that her manager wanted the coaching and [the coachee] was engaged but she wasn’t really engaged. The second thing is that she wanted it private. She didn’t want it public. She didn’t want to talk about it, and that should have been a big red flag for me. But I didn’t really focus on it, I was thinking about how cool this engagement was.
The next thing was the fact that she didn’t want a 360. There was always something getting in the way — meaning I couldn’t talk to her stakeholders, I couldn’t work with the people around her. The last thing was that she was an expert, and it was very hard for her to be vulnerable and to try anything new. The engagement really didn’t go anywhere.
What I learned out of this is, first of all, it is all about the client. It’s not really about me, specifically. She needed to be ready. I should have been working with her boss, not with her, because the boss is the one who wanted the coaching.
The other thing was that she didn’t want to be vulnerable. There’s a paradox about vulnerability — if you make yourself vulnerable, you’re invulnerable. She was not able to let people know that she was working on something. If she had been, it would have been much more successful for her. She would have had a support community around her.
Not being able to do 360, I wasn’t able to help turn critics into coaches. When you do a 360, you ask for advice, you ask what your client could do differently, and you bring it back to your client consolidated. Your client can go back to her stakeholders and say, “I heard you, and here’s what I’m trying” and you’re actually able to turn the critics into coaches. That didn’t happen.
So what I learned from this coaching engagement was first of all, the coachee needs to want to be coached, that it isn’t about the coach, it isn’t about what I’m doing as much as it’s about partnering with somebody who really is ready and open to learn. The other thing that I learned is that clients have to be public. They have to say, “This is what’s happening,” otherwise you can’t change the dynamic around them. So that’s really important. I think the last thing that I felt was that you need to match energy for energy. My energy, in this particular situation, was so much greater than my client’s energy, and it didn’t work.
So when you’re thinking about — and when I’m thinking about — coaching, I think about those things because they are prerequisites to success.
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